Im sorry that I am so far away everytime I make a promise. I just cant keep living up to them, my artistic skills are slowly advancing and more ideas are coming but the thing is, I cannot keep working on my drawings due to the position I am in thanks to the harsh reality of life. Being 18 in High School is more than just common horror for me. I get so many ideas but I don't have the time to do any of them because I have no source of motivation but music and videos. When I try to rewatch them while working on the idea my brain rots more and I crumble under the pressure of fear of not being perfect and not making the perfect idea. I visualize what I can do and its in all my skills but then a part in my mind just wakes and throws the idea of embarrassment and I watch a lot of commentators talk about people, drama, and people making things up because they don't like that creator. It makes me scared that no matter what I do, I feel like I am not good enough to do what I want to do and I should just give up on it. My drawings are liked by very few people which motivates me and I love my own drawings but I feel like since I wanna be an animator I cant do that at all not even draw a drawing without spending 2 hours on 1 frame or picture. That's why you see my videos with less accuracy or less things in it because I don't wanna spend hours and hours when one video takes me 10 hours to get through. Im afraid of being a success and afraid of being someone I want to be because I feel like if I am successful I will have the fans and respect of others yet not the care of anyone close to me. Im afraid that Ill end up being alone, which is my phobia, autophobia.

This all has some impact to do with my motivation, I want someone to be there or here for me so I finally have the perfect upmost support I ask for. You may disapprove this but I go about my days with the dread of reality, by the time I graduate which is in a month and a half I will be on my own still living with my mom mind you, but not getting any help, or support by anyone unless I go straight to community college for 2 years which I might do a year from now. I just want new or old friends to actually be there when I feel the need for attention or just to feel happy. I am happy with my life but not happy I got nobody to share the joys and express my happiness with (not in a relations way a pal way like best bud.) I don't wanna be alone in life, not now, not ever, not anymore. I spent nearly a year alone, I was happy about it last year, a lot of stress off my back. But this year I just wish to have people part of my life again than come and goers and community servers on discord. They think I am literally under the age of 13 because my braindead personality not knowing things and always questioning things or just by my name or pfp's. If you wouldn't mind being my friend or something you could contact me via discord user "darkcraftstudios"